Throughout my life, I have struggled with self-expression and my identity, always asking myself if I have a purpose. For years, I had no idea who I wanted to be or what I wanted to do. I didn't even know what was possible for me because I believed I lacked perspective. I grew up in a very diverse area and had friends from many different walks of life, but even through my teens, I still struggled to understand myself. What is it that I am looking for? How will I figure it out? I honestly had zero answers, and something like this isn't so cut and dry. I was trying to find passion, but where does that come from?
“There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.”– Nelson Mandela
Not only was I looking for what I am passionate about, but I was also searching for my purpose. I am an advocate for social justice, freedom, self-expression, education, diversity, and peace. I could keep going, but I think you get the gist.
I grew up watching my father paint oil paintings in our living room, pieces inspired by Salvador Dalí, Picasso, Van Gogh, Manet, and Monet. Maybe it was an impressionist landscape, not depicting our reality but something else entirely, large colorful jelly beans, a whale, a Chinese lion, or vibrant portraits of my brothers and I (he did portraits of all six of us). I would watch him create these pieces and think, “I will never be able to do that.” The expertise he had astounded me. As I grew older, I realized more and more that these works were not only the result of the hours and hours of work he had put in but also products of his emotions and passions. As a child, concepts like these were relatively non-existent, but I now know that emotion fuels the fire of creativity.
The best example I have of this is a painting my father did called “Standing at the Gates of Hell on a Cold Wednesday Morning.” This painting depicts a man who appears to be skinned, holding up a large transparent clock with the hands frozen at "The 11th hour". In the background, there’s a scene that represents the River Styx. The sky is on fire, with vibrant reds, yellows, and oranges. When you move away from the flames, the background turns dark, with blacks, blues, and grays enveloping the flames. This piece was created during a very difficult time in my father's life, as he experienced distress and anguish. His outlet was to create; he put his emotions into something that represented his struggles and his own perception of reality—the human struggle of time and the only certainty in life.
I never understood what this painting represented as a child—how could I? Today, I see it, and I understand his struggles and his perspective—not only situationally, but as an artist seeking to find and depict my own reality.
I use creativity as an outlet not only to express my feelings but to break down the world around me and slow down to one particular moment or emotion. I have begun to find my inspiration in my advocacy for others and my desire for freedom—the desire to truly express oneself as a completely unique and driven person. I have found inspiration, but what is the purpose? What am I supposed to do with it?
I want to be someone who enables people to see their self-worth and encourages them to follow their passions. I want to advocate for people using my own perspective while continuing to learn from those I surround myself with. To me, the only way to understand the world is to understand the perspective of your fellow human. I could never understand the struggles that others go through since I myself had not experienced these hardships. I want to bring people together to celebrate life, freedom, and creativity. But the only way to do that is to communicate and share these unique experiences and the emotions that come with them. I would consider myself an empath because I swear I can feel someone else's emotions—I can feel their passion, their pain, and their joy when they speak.
I strive to share my experiences so that nobody will ever have to experience the hardships I had, but also to share my joy, my passions, and my spirit to inspire people to truly be themselves. I want to enable people to show the world who they are and help them become who they want to be. We will create a platform for people to express themselves openly in a professional setting, so they can share their thoughts and inspirations—hopefully enabling more people to chase their dreams, to do what they want, and be who they truly are.
Sincerely,
Benjamin Young Sbar
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